


All I need in this life of sin

by peaches_n_roses



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Adam's World, F/M, I don't even have to say that but I'll say it anyways: they love each other A LOT, Regina finds out about Boris' past in this one, mentions of blood gunshots and selfharm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26328103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peaches_n_roses/pseuds/peaches_n_roses
Summary: November 11th has always been a special day for Regina and Aleksander: It's the day they met for the first time. Little did they know that not until exactly 33 years later they will really get to know each other.
Relationships: Aleksander Tiedemann | Boris Niewald/Regina Tiedemann
Comments: 36
Kudos: 41





	1. Aleksander 1986

“You should never ever trust my kind  
I’m a wanted man  
I got blood on my hands  
Do you understand?  
I’m a wanted man.”  
\- Royal Deluxe in "I'm a wanted man"

Boris sits down on the dried out moss and the leaves, leaning against a tree as he heard the noises of the helicopter, the shouting policemen and their barking dogs disappear. Now he actually notices the wound on his right shoulder for the first time. The only thing that has been on his mind the whole time was running. Running as far as possible. He has been shot. And he survived. He is not sure if he deserves that.

Suddenly the pain kicks in. Or is it the guilt? He takes his mask that is soaked in sweat and presses it onto his shoulder. Although it’s a freezing cold November day, he is extremely hot. His sweat and his blood are mixing, spreading a sticky, warm and smelly liquid all over his torso.

Of all the stupid things he has ever done, this is undeniably the most stupid one, he thinks as he puts the gun into his waistband. He has not only taken someone’s life, but also destroyed his own. But did he even have perspectives of life after everything that happened? Did anyone believe that a guy like him could ever take it anywhere? Did anyone ever believe in him?

Could he start a new life here in – he suddenly realises that he doesn’t even know how far he ran or where he was. He still has Aleksander’s passport. Should he…?

He suddenly is pulled out of his thoughts as he sees a girl carrying a huge bag about 50 meters from him. He freezes so she won’t notice him. She has curly, brown, some kind of red-ish hair and is wearing glasses. She’s definitely cute, he thinks. He is shocked by how he is able to think about a girl in that way right now, but there is something about her that fascinates him. 

You can start thinking about girls again as soon as you have your life put back together, he reminds himself. But how is he going to do that? How is he going to have his wound cared for? Any doctor would ask questions. It was only a small-calibre, does he even need a doctor? What if the wound becomes infected or what if the bleeding doesn’t stop? He needs help, but where to find it?

He promises himself to be a better person from now on. He will never get himself or others in trouble like this again. Never. 

He could use the rest of the money to…

He is pulled out of his thoughts again by someone’s yelling. It is a harsh, rough sounding female voice, he can’t imagine the pretty girl talking like that, so he decides to check what’s going on. There is a forest clearing not far away from where he sat. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even look around properly.

He lingers behind a tree and watches. There is the pretty girl, who looks so frightened holding her headphones in her shaking hands, a much taller blonde girl with a black eye and a guy who is just stupidly gazing at the blonde girl. All of them are clearly younger than Boris himself.

The blonde girl keeps yelling and pushes the pretty girl once, as she shows no reactions she pushes her again. “I have to go.” the smaller girl says, trying to avoid a more serious fight. He can tell from the dynamic between these three that something like this isn’t happening for the first time. And then that bitch pushes her again. He felt his heart break and fill with anger at the same time, as that bitch kicked her into the stomach, then pulled her up again just to keep yelling at her.

He had to step into action. “Be a good person for once, Boris,” he whispered to himself as he walks out of his hideout into the forest clearing. 

“Hey, stop!” he yells from a distance.

“Piss off, this is none of your business!” the blonde bitch throws at him.

That’s when he loses his temper. How can someone be this hateful?

The rest of their conversation happens so quick, that he won’t even be able to recall it later. He just remembers that at some point he realised, that they won’t apologise by themselves, which makes him boil over with anger, but he still manages to keep a straight, cold face. That’s when he remembers the gun in his waistband and he pulls it out in sheer desperation, threatening them with hurting or even destroying them, if they’ll ever hurt her again. And he totally means it. He can’t explain the sudden empathy he is feeling for the curly girl, he has never felt anything like this before. 

As the blonde bitch and the stupid looking guy, probably her boyfriend, disappear, he hastily puts the gun back into his waistband and approaches the girl. Fear and puzzlement are written all over her face and her fingers are clinging to her headphones. He suddenly realises that he has probably scared her more than those two idiots ever could.  
So he puts one hand on her arm, trying to calm her down and says that “everything is okay”. He starts feeling really dizzy, so dizzy that he could barely hear her hesitant “Thank you”. Then he falls to the ground and in the twinkling of an eye he is hit by all of the pain and the guilt again. One action doesn’t make you a better person, he realises. 

“You’re bleeding!” the concern in her voice was unmistakeable. 

“It’s not that bad” he replies. He doesn’t want to give her more to worry about. But she doesn’t buy it. Of course not.

“You need a doctor.” she rejoins instantly. He shakes his head. He has never felt as ashamed of himself as he does right now. She’s such a sweet, innocent girl and he’s just scaring her even more. He expects her to get up and run, but she doesn’t. Instead her green eyes light up and all of a sudden there is determination written all over her face and she declares: “I have bandages in my house, my mom is not home. I can help out.”

Why are you doing this, he wants to ask. Can’t you see that I’m dangerous? Or do you just not care? Why are you so nice?

Is it possible that she feels the same strange kind of empathy that he felt seconds before he came to her rescue? What does she see in him that makes him worth saving? I’m just a stranger on the run, who has a gun. Why are you scared of those two idiots but not of me? But still he nods thankfully.

And then she asks that one question that leads him to an answer that forces him to change his life forever. “What’s your name?” A simple question. Yet so hard for him to answer. Should he do it? He has no time to thoroughly think about it, he’s already taking a suspiciously long amount of time to answer this stupidly simple damn question, so he says it: “Aleksander.”

“Then let’s go, Aleksander.” She smiles an encouraging smile as she helps him get back on his feet. She swings her big blue bag over her left shoulder, not letting go of his arm with her right hand. “You can hold on to my shoulders if you need to. I don’t want you to fall again. And tell me if you feel like you’re going to pass out, okay? My house is not that far away, I promise.” 

They walk in silence for a while, but it’s not awkward at all. But then Boris decides to break the silence: “What is inside that bag?” “Oh that’s my fencing gear. I was just walking home from fencing class when…” she stops talking as her voice becomes a little shaky and her eyes start to fill with tears. “Fencing. I never met anyone who did that as a sport. Sounds interesting.” He tried to distract her. The actual reason why he never met anyone who went to fencing classes before was that he didn’t know anyone who would be able to afford a rich kid hobby like that. 

“It’s okay. I guess I only did it because of my friend. It’s pretty lame when you don’t have anyone you get along with in your class.” 

“Did your friend stop taking the classes?”

“No. He- “, she stops talking again, swallows and decides to say it anyway: “He is the boy on the reward posters. He is missing for about a month now.” She is pointing at a lamppost on the other side of the street. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t-”

“You don’t have to be. Do you see these one storey houses back there? That’s where I live. ” 

He looks around and finally sees something that makes him understand which city he is in: a nuclear power plant. He must be in Winden, there is no other power plant anywhere as near enough that he could have just ran there. Still he’s impressed by how far he ran. 

As they reach the front door his knees are shaking and his vision is blurry, but he still manages to read the nameplate next to the doorbell. 

Claudia and Regina Tiedemann

“I haven’t even asked what your name is, I’m so sorry. Are you Regina or Claudia?” He is embarrassed that he has been calling her ‘the pretty girl’ or ‘the curly girl’ in his mind for the last 30 minutes.

“I’m Regina” she mutters as she unlocks the door. 

Boris has never been in a house this clean and modern, it looks like it was stolen out of a magazine. Regina’s mother must be really snobby, he thinks. There are no family pictures on the walls, just modern art. It doesn’t seem very friendly or inviting. Regina’s grip on his arm tightens as she drags him to the bathroom. 

“I know this is very uncomfortable but we have carpets and upholstered furniture everywhere, thanks to my mother’s great taste in furnishings.” she says jokingly as she heads for the light switch. She leaves the room to get some stuff she will need and leaves Boris alone in the bright neon light, slumped onto the toilet seat, leaning against the wall. He still doesn’t get why she’s doing all of this. He is impressed by how brave she is. 

She comes back with something like the first aid boxes you would have in a car, but way bigger, a bottle of antiseptic agent and – a book. It’s some kind of professional medical lecture you would have to read at university. 

“Could you- … could you please take your shirt off?” she asks nervously.

He nods and tries to do so, but he fails. It’s too painful to move his right arm upwards. He doesn’t even have to say something – she’s already there to help him. She’s shaking as she pulls his shirt over his head, trying not to hurt him. 

“Don’t stress yourself. Everything is okay.” he says while she critically inspects his wounds. Her facial expression softens, it’s just like she needed to hear that right now.

“Can you move your left arm? You need to apply pressure to the front wound while I do the same on the back, this way we can stop the bleeding. But don’t touch the wound with your bare fingers. It might cause an infection and I won’t be able to help you with that. ” she hands him a white pad, something doctors give you after taking a blood sample, but way bigger. He doesn’t even know what these are called. She almost sounded sad as she said that she won’t be able to help him anymore. Almost like she actually cares for him. He likes to think that.

She presses that thing on his back firmly but also carefully. He has never felt a touch as warm, it almost makes him forget the grave situation he is in. There is something about her that naturally calms him down. How does she do that? 

“You should be thankful you can’t see it from the back. It’s way worse than the front… But as far as I can judge, nothing important is affected. If we can manage to stop the bleeding you should be fine.”

He can’t resist to ask her “how do you know all this?”

She chuckles. “My mother thought she wanted to be a doctor a long time ago, so she had already bought some books before she had even finished her A levels. She then studied something else, but we still have the books lying around, and sometimes when I’m bored I read them. I know that sounds really weird.”  
“No, it doesn’t. It’s impressive that you do things like this when you’re bored. There is people that wouldn’t be able to understand stuff like that when they are completely focused.” He counted himself as one of them. The opportunity to get more education than the absolute bare necessities was never given to him, he had to make a living of his own from an early age. 

She smiles and he can see that she is really flattered by that, but he can also see that she didn’t know how to reply, so they remain silent for a while again, both hoping the bleeding would stop soon.

After some time of just listening to her slow breaths and the loud ticking of the clock in the hallway, he notices that she’s staring at his torso. Is this her first time seeing somebody naked from the waist up? He can only guess that it might be a little upsetting that the first man she ever saw shirtless won’t be her boyfriend, but this random stranger from the forest with a gunshot wound. But she doesn’t seem to be upset at all. 

She’s standing so close to him that he can smell a mixture of shampoo and laundry detergent. She smells like a rich kid, but unlike the all the rich kids he has met before, she’s not a show-off or arrogant. And he wouldn’t dare to call her a kid, she’s very mature although she’s probably just 16. He decides it’s better not to ask her because that would lead her to ask questions, too. But isn’t it almost weird how she doesn’t ask any? How she isn’t bothered by the gun, the wound or the stranger sitting in her bathroom that is desperate for help but also doesn’t want to see a doctor? 

An innocent, sweet girl that grew up in a house like this would normally not even look at him, and even if she did, she would be scared.

He hears her take a deep breath, then she says: “I- I think it has stopped!” 

She carefully reaches for his hand that was pressing the now soaked with blood pad onto his shoulder and lifts it to look at the wound. 

“We did a great job, I didn’t expect it to stop this soon. I will have to clean it now, before I apply the bandages. How do you feel? Do you still fear passing out?” she asks, sounding just as worried as she did in the forest.

“No, I guess I am as fine as I could be in a situation like this. Thank you.” He smiled, although he feels a terrible dread to tell her the truth or at least his real name, now that she’s saved him, but it’s too late for that.

He closes his eyes. He hasn’t slept for 24 hours. He didn’t even notice how tired he was until now.

The penetrating smell of pure alcohol makes him open his eyes abruptly. Holding a soaked with antiseptic agent pad in her hands she looks lost again, like she forgot what she wanted to do.

“Are you okay? You’re doing a great job, you should be proud of yourself.” 

“It’s just that“, her voice begins to shake again, “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Regina, you’re saving my life right now. The pain you will give me will be over in an instant. I won’t be mad, I promise.”

It breaks his heart how kind and gentle she is with him. He has never experienced that and he probably never deserved that, especially not right now. 

“Okay, but tell me as soon as you can’t take it anymore. I really don’t want to hurt you.”

He totally zones out for the next minutes. It hurts like hell but he doesn’t want to tell her. Don’t give her the feeling she’s doing something wrong. Don’t give her something to feel bad about. Be strong. For her.

She lets go of his back to throw away all of the bloody tissues she had used to clean his back. Her hands are covered in his blood. She went to the sink and washed it off, while drying her hands she turns around and looks at him, but then she turns away as fast again, like she suddenly decided that it was better to not say anything. She seems to understand everything although she knows nothing.

“Do you already know where you will be working? Or do you go to university?” she asks as she’s cutting some band aids and bandages to the right sizes. She definitely understands that this is his first day here.

“No, I don’t, neither of them. Do you know anyone who could need a metal worker?”

She hesitates. “M-maybe my mother. Maybe. She’s the head of the power plant and basically always on the hunt for new employees.” 

He feels the sticky band aids on his back and it gives him butterflies as her soft hands carefully smooth down her construction of bandages. After knowing each other for about an hour and a half. Wait, that’s not true. He knows a bit about her, she knows little to nothing about him.

“But do you think she would hire someone like me?” He thinks of the house, the expensive furniture, the modern paintings and her daughter who takes fencing classes. Claudia Tiedemann must be a woman with high standards, probably even with her employees.

“I think so. She likes confident people. But you will have to give her a reason to even talk to you in the first place. Tell her secretary Jasmin to tell my mother that you’re a friend of mine. That will make her curious. Jasmin is nice, she will help you.”

“But then we will really have to grow closer. It would be a shame to lie to my new boss on the first day.” He says sounding almost flirty, probably even too flirty for the first day. He immediately feels stupid for saying that since he’s been lying to Regina since five minutes after they met. But if he told her the truth now, she would never trust him again. He doesn’t want to lose whatever that between them was.

Regina smiles a shy smile and brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “The front wound really isn’t that bad, I don’t even have to put multiple band aids together… crazy.” 

She clearly didn’t know what to answer but she tries to keep the conversation going.

“You look really dead, you know”, she mentions as she applies the band aid to his front shoulder. The way she says it makes him laugh. “Can you follow me to the kitchen? You should really eat and drink something and I can give you some pain killers.” Boris nods thankfully. 

“Could you maybe put my shirt into the washer?” he asks carefully. He feels bad to ask her for something after everything she has done already.

“I could, and I would love doing that, but believe me, you will never be able to get the blood stains out of this. But I can give you a sweater my grandpa once gifted me as I stayed at his house and was cold. It was his in the mid-60s and it is way too big for me. You can have it:” 

She rushes out of the room like she instantly regretted telling him that little story, just like when they walked home and she told him about her friend who went missing. But he finds himself listening closely to every single word she says, enjoying the sound of her soft voice.

Forty minutes later he is warmed by a black fleece sweater and the food leftovers she gave him, has washed and combed his hair and doesn’t feel dizzy at all anymore.

“You will have to come over again tomorrow, so I can change your bandages. And you will have to tell me how it went – with my mother,” Regina tells him as they stand in front of the door, him carefully putting his leather jacket back on, so neither the two passports nor his mask would fall out. If she saw any of these, she would probably never want to see him again. But on the other hand she has seen the gun and doesn’t seem to mind at all, she wants to be his friend. 

But is telling lies about his identity worse than everything he has done? She offered her help and he lied straight to her face. Now he has to live with that lie for who knows how long.

“And you will have to show me around town. So far I haven’t seen much, you know.”

She nods. “Winden is a very lovely town, except for some people that live here… The centre is really beautiful, you’ll see”, she’s silent for a couple of seconds, but then pulls herself together, “thanks for defending me against Katharina and Ulrich. I have never seen them walk away so fast… and so scared.” She smiles again, but this time it isn’t one of her shy, beautiful smiles, it is the saddest smile Boris has ever seen. As he believes he saw her eyes fill with tears again, he desperately wants to hug her, but he is afraid that he would go too far too fast, so he puts his hand on her arm and says it once again:

“Everything is okay. I have to thank you.”

He secretly curses himself for not being able to come up with something more intelligent than “everything is okay”. These words sound so trivial and superficial, too trivial and superficial to tell a girl like her.

She looks him in the eyes for the first time, handing him a bubble wrap of pain killers “Good luck with my mother. See you tomorrow! And take these with you.” 

He smiles as he puts the pain killers in his pockets and walks through the open door.

He turns around, “See you tomorrow, Regina.”

“Goodbye, Aleksander.”

She pronounced that name with so much surrender and affection that he had to stay Aleksander, just to hear her say that name again.

Regina gave him a good description of how to get to the power plant, but he has to get rid of some things first. He’s going to start a new life as Aleksander, burry Boris’ passport and the gun somewhere deep in the woods and be a good person from now on, be the guy Regina sees in him. 

“Aleksander. You’re Aleksander from now on. Boris is dead. You’re Aleksander”, he keeps telling himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Please mind that English isn't my first language and that I'm sorry for any mistakes.  
>  I haven't read about that fateful day from Boris' / Aleksander's perspective yet, and I thought it would fit wounderfully in here. I feel like you would not know where this will go after you've read this chapter, so stay tuned, this may take an interesting twist...^_^
> 
> The title is inspired by "03' Bonnie & Clyde" by Jay-Z and Beyoncé.
> 
> Comments are highly apprechiated, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!


	2. Regina 1986

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all members of Claudia fan club: Be strong. We all love her (more or less), but not in this chapter.   
> It takes place right after Boris/Aleksander left the Tiedemann house.

“And so I put this on my life  
nobody or nothing will ever come between us,  
and I promise I'll give my life, my love and my trust if you was my boyfriend.   
I put this on my life,  
the air that I breathe in, all that I believe in,  
I promise I'll give my life  
and all of my trust if you was my boyfriend”  
-Beyoncé in “03’ Bonnie and Clyde” 

She sits down on the white carpet, leaning against the front door she has just closed behind him. She can still feel the warmth of his hand on her arm, which right now is the only thing that makes her believe that he is not just a dream, evoked by a desire of hers that was so deep that she didn’t even dare to think of it. Everything is okay, he said.

He defended her without her asking for it and without even knowing her. And he didn’t even want anything in return, yet he seemed to be surprised as she offered her help. She had never seen such thankful eyes like his, when he left her house. He acted like what she did for him was much more than what he did for her, but little does he know.

Little does he know, that Ulrich and Katharina had been teasing her since primary school.

Little does he know, that it has been getting worse day by day with more and more people joining in.

Little does he know, that Mads wasn’t just a friend, but her only friend.

Little does he know, that he’s the first person Ulrich and Katharina really seemed to be scared of.

He doesn’t even know how much he has done for her.

Of course Mads always tried to defend her too, but he was only Ulrich’s little brother, it would only have been a matter of time until Ulrich would have stopped doing what Mads says.

Of course she told her mother about the bullying, or at least tried to tell her, but she only explained that a bit of suffering will strengthen her soul. Yes, Mama, a bit of suffering maybe will, but they hurt me deeper and deeper every day, she wanted to reply, but she didn’t dare to do so.

Of course she could have asked her grandpa for help, he always seemed to have some issues with Ulrich, so he would probably have helped her instantly, but she didn’t want to look that desperate. Probably it would have only made her a bigger target for them. Same goes for telling teachers, but they don’t even seem to care for any of their students anyways. So Regina decided to remain silent for her own safety.

But then he stepped into her life, and said that he will hurt them, if they would ever hurt her again. But does he really mean it, she asks herself as she gets up to remove evidence that he has been here. She doesn’t know what her mother would say, if she found out that she had a boy over. Perhaps she would even be happy, considering the fact that she always tells her she has tried to impress boys since she still was a child. Other than the disgrace of a daughter she had, who couldn’t even manage to brush her hair in the morning. Regina sighs, pulls up her sleeve and looks at her scars. A limp dishrag, that’s what her mother sees in her.

What on earth did Aleksander see in her that made her worth saving? What on earth does he see in her that makes him actually want to see her again? Does he just do it to be polite, since she cared for his wounds? But the gun in his waistband makes her think that politeness usually isn’t one of his virtues. His biggest virtues are strength and courage, he showed them since the first second.

The sink is still bloody, just like the edge of the bathtub. She wipes the blood away with toilet paper. It doesn’t look like this was the blood of only one person, there is two kinds of blood in her sink. One that is dark and viscous and one that is light, more pink than red and runny. It’s almost like he changed who he was while she was cleaning his wounds. 

She is shocked that she isn’t shocked at all. She is right now cleaning the blood of a stranger who has been shot off her bathroom sink, and it doesn’t feel disconcerting at all. It almost feels like the least thing she could do for someone who has done so much for her. Even if he didn’t stop the bullying once and for all, he still gave her a chance to see Ulrich and Katharina being the victims for once.   
And he even seemed to care as she told him about Mads, although his only worry should have been his own life at that moment, but he listened. 

As she tried to have a talk with her mother about Mads’ disappearance, she only told her that he would probably be back soon, and that she shouldn’t always be so pessimistic about everything, and that she would eventually ruin her whole life with overthinking. But in this case Regina wasn’t overthinking, she was worried about her friend. Worried that he wouldn’t come back, worried that he has been hurt, worried that he’s been murdered and -if she was totally honest- worried that she would be alone from now on until forever. 

Her mother doesn’t know worries. She wasn’t worried a bit when Regina, her only child, didn’t come home for one whole night, although she’s never been out at night before. As she came home in the early morning, soaked in sweat, with bruises on her arms and legs and her face swollen from crying for hours, her mother didn’t even seem to notice that something was wrong. “That must have been a fun party last night, huh?” she asked with a smile. “Mhm” Regina answered as she slowly walked to her room, starring at the floor. She curled up in her bed and didn’t stop crying until she heard the klick of the front door, her mother had gone to work. That’s when she reached for the jewellery box hidden under her bed. There is no jewellery in it, but her razor blades.

Yes, Mama, it had been so much fun being tied to a tree in the middle of the night, not knowing if someone will ever come and untie me, Regina thinks. The feeling of being tied on to something she won’t ever be able to rescue herself from didn’t leave her for the past months. Until today.

She flushes the bloody toilet paper down and looks around the room. It looks just as clean as always, the only thing that hints that he was here is his dirty, crumpled up shirt lying in the corner, right where she put it after she helped him take it off. It’s weird that she’s never really been interested in boys before, but took off someone’s shirt today, she thinks. But he isn’t a boy, he’s more like a young man, 19 years old, at least. She didn’t have the courage to ask questions about his age, where he came from or why he came here, because she didn’t want to make him feel like he’s in an interrogation. If he ever wants her to know, he will tell her. The last days must have been stressful for him, she didn’t want to make it worse. After what he’s done for her, she owes that to him. 

She takes the shirt, folds it up, puts it in a plastic bag and hides it under her bed. She will try to clean it as good as possible tomorrow.

Although he was badly injured, at the end of his strength and about to pass out, he helped her regardless. He wanted them to say sorry so badly that he even pulled his gun. Why did he feel the need to do that? For her? He knew nothing about her and her mother told her often enough that no guy will ever find her attractive, if she keeps dressing the way she does. So what made him walk out of the forest to interrupt whatever that was in the first place?

What would have happened if he hadn’t come for her rescue? What was Katharina planning to do to her? She seemed to be furious, Regina didn’t understand what she was talking about. She mentioned that one summer night, that night Regina will never be able to forget. She can’t remember a single night she hasn’t dreamt about being tied up to a tree, desperately crying for help, but no one ever comes to help her, she has to stay there until…. Until she dies, all alone with no one even thinking about her. 

Katharina also pointed at her black eye saying that her mother hit her, because she fed her grandpa bullshit. What should she have told him? Regina doesn’t have anything to say about them. She never even hated them. She knows that Katharina doesn’t have an easy time with her mother either. And she’s also convinced that Ulrich –since he’s Mads’ brother- must have a good soul hidden deep inside him. She always thought that they ruined each other unwittingly. But the incident today changed her opinion on them. They don’t even say sorry when a gun is pointed at them, instead they just walk away gutlessly. 

She sits down on the edge of her bed and looks into her vanity mirror. The blouse she’s wearing underneath her sweater has one circular blood stain on the sleeve. She decides to take it off to put it into the plastic bag with his shirt to clean both of them tomorrow, as she realises about the bruise on her stomach. That’s where Katharina kicked her, she remembers. It’s really big and has a very dark purple to greenish colour already, nonetheless she hasn’t noticed it until now, perhaps because she’s been distracted. Or maybe –she thinks with a smile- it’s because he has made her strong, stronger than she has ever been before.

Everything Aleksander did came off so naturally confident, the way he talked, the way he walked after she fixed his wounds, even the way he casually pulled his gun out of his jeans. It seemed to be the most normal thing in the world. She just knew that her mother will be impressed by his charisma. He is everything Claudia always wanted her daughter to be.

But what fascinated Regina the most about him, was how he managed it to say everything necessary in those few sentences he said. He put everything she needed in those three words. “Everything is okay.”   
He seemed to be lonely, too. He definitely is lonely, he just came here today. There was something in his grey to blue eyes she couldn’t describe. Something she has never seen before, almost like he felt helpless or scared of whatever comes next. Just thinking about a wonderful, brave and selfless person like him being in trouble and having no one to talk to and nowhere to go to, makes her heart ache. 

She knows that he hasn’t always been a good person, but he has been good to her. She is sure that he feels very guilty for whatever he has done, god knows what made him do it. Maybe he has suffered a lot of pain before, has experienced some kind of trauma or violence. She promises herself to never pressure him to tell her anything he doesn’t want her to know, maybe even for her own safety. He needs a safe place where he doesn’t need to talk about it, where he isn’t constantly reminded of what he has done, a place where he can build up a new life. She wants to be that safe place for him so badly.

But will a guy like Aleksander even like a girl like her? She looks in the mirror again. He looks like one of the guys she thought only existed in movies, maybe the gun reinforced that impression. But he really is handsome, his stomach and chest are quite muscular, probably due to him working as a metal worker. Is a guy who could have any girl in the world even be interested in a limp dishrag like her? At least he wanted to be friends with her.

Her mother always tells her to finally comb her hair, and her mother knows about beauty and fashion. Regina has never seen another woman as neat, fashion-conscious and elegant as her own mother around town, so maybe she should give it a try. She sits down in front of the vanity and reaches for the golden shimmery hairbrush Claudia had brought her from her last business trip to Italy. She has brought a lot of stuff for her over the years, nail polish, lipsticks, fancy hair clips and perfumes, probably in order to motivate her to finally do something with her looks. But she didn’t know why she should do that, or for whom. Until today. 

She realises soon that brushing through her thick, curly hair isn’t as easy as her mother thinks. But how would she know, she has straight hair, but curls it almost every day. Regina desperately wants to know if she got those curls from her father, but every time she asks something about her father, her mother gets really angry, even more than usual. Regina manages to fade her tight curls into loose waves, she even finds herself liking it as she looked at her hair in the mirror for quite some time. 

“Regina”, she hears her mother’s voice from the hallway, “could you come here? I have a surprise!” A surprise? It already is a surprise to hear her mother sound so calm when she comes home, especially since was promoted head of the power plant she would usually be stressed and complain about employees. But, as it seems, not today. 

Regina really is surprised as she sees the small, white dog in her mother’s arms. She often asked for a pet when she was little, but the answer was always no. Claudia gives her daughter an equally shocked look, since she has never seen her this groomed, but she soon recovers herself, puts the dog down to the ground and explains: “She strayed to me today, I already called every animal sanctuary around, but no one seems to miss her. I thought, until someone reports her missing, she could stay with us.” “Really?” Regina asks as she carefully pets the dog’s fur. Finally someone else with natural curls in this household, she thinks. “Yes, you’re old enough to help me take care for a pet now. You know, when I was a little bit younger than you are now, we used to have a dog like this, her name was…” “Gretchen? Grandpa told me about her.” “Oh. But I guess we’ll just call her Gretchen then, she looks so similar to my Gretchen. They could be twins… I will make us something nice to eat. Or have you eaten yet?” “No but I-“ could also make something for myself, Regina wants to say because her mother certainly isn’t the best cook, but she’s interrupted. “What do you think of chicken and buttered vegetables?” “Sounds nice” Regina says with a smile, it doesn’t happen that often that her mother prepares dinner, she usually comes home late and asks her to heat up a pizza or another instant meal. 

She never noticed that Regina taught herself how to cook with the help of some recipe books lying around, just like how she learned to fix wounds. Her mother herself has probably never touched either of those books.

Claudia confirms that just a couple minutes later. She starts yelling and cursing her cooking skills and herself for having the idea of cooking today in the first place. “What’s wrong, Mama?” “I burned the chicken. I don’t know how that happened.” Her daughter has to laugh, she is not sure what she should say right now. “Mama… you have to put oil in the pan before you start frying the chicken.” “Oh. That makes sense” Claudia says quietly. Regina is still giggling. Her mother definitely isn’t a good cook. “Why don’t you relax a bit and I’ll finish that?” “Maybe, that’s better, yes… You need to get rid of that childish pullover and those ill-fitting jeans. I don’t like them.” Thank god. Regina secretly waited for a comment like this, she almost thought her mother might be ill, but she seems to be totally fine. 

Thirty minutes later Regina sits down in the chair Aleksander sat in about two hours ago and starts to eat. “I didn’t even know you had guy friends. And especially not guys like him, he doesn’t seem to be someone who would be friends with someone like you. He was so chill and so confident when he walked into my office, you could take a leaf out of his book.” Just like she predicted it. She loves that guy’s behaviour. Regina shrugs her shoulders. “So I assume you gave him a job?” “No, not yet. I’ll have to find something for him to do first. He really seems to be willing to work hard, maybe…” “Mama, you have to give him a chance, he deserves it!” Claudia doesn’t even listen anymore, because she has just realised that she might indeed have some hard work for someone to do. They don’t talk a word while they’re finishing their food. Claudia doesn’t complain about anything, so Regina assumes she likes the meal. That’s the only way to figure out if her mother likes something: If she says nothing – it’s okay. She has never praised anything Regina did, so of course she wouldn’t start doing that today. 

“Good night” Regina says after she has put her dishes into the dishwasher and moves to the bathroom to brush her teeth, then to her room. She curls up in her bed again, but not in the same sad way she used to, but in a satisfied, happy way. She finds herself not caring too much about what her mother said, but happily looking forward to the next day. Tomorrow she will see him again and he will tell her about the conversation with her mother more detailed than her mother did. She’s sure she will give him a job, she likes his personality way too much to not hire him. And she will show him the most beautiful places in Winden tomorrow, everything it has to offer.   
She will definitely show him the Doppler mansion, she has loved that almost castle like looking house since she was a little child. She has always been fascinated by this house and by how it just stood there for hundreds of years, the only one of t’s kind in the locality. She hopes it will fascinate him just as much.

For the first time since she can remember, Regina falls asleep with a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was it, the second chapter of this extravaganza. I hope I provided you some insight into this confused, but also very resolute teenager's mind, who is just about to develop a massive crush on somebody^^.
> 
> Have you noticed how many things happened in episode nine in the life of the Tiedemanns? Gretchen stepped into Claudia's life again, Aleksander stepped into Regina's life...  
> The following chapters are going to be about the exact same day, but 33 years later. I can already tell you that it is going to be just as fateful as in 1986. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading this and thanks for your lovely comments on the first chapter, I hope you will enjoy this just as much.


	3. Aleksander 2019

“I sense deception to come.  
Honestly, truth and I are never one  
'cause I am the lying man  
and I have made you my next victim.  
Oh, I need you to see through my act,  
to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask.  
Or else I'll be left in the lie  
and I'll deceive myself straight to demise”  
-the arcadian wild in “Liar”

“Your name is Aleksander. Boris is dead, you’re Aleksander from now on.” He hasn’t heard that voice in his dreams for a long time, he thinks as he wakes up. Boris is extinguished for a long time, he doesn’t even refer to himself as Boris anymore. He has a better life than Boris, more luxury than Boris could have ever dreamed of, a family that Boris would have never wanted and ethics and morals that Boris has never heard of. But despite all of that, he can’t neglect that he once was Boris. No matter how many lies he tells, he will never be able to neglect what he has done.

He swallows and brushes his thoughts aside, he doesn’t want to ruin the day for himself before it has even started.

As every morning, his first step would be to snuggle up to his wife Regina, who is usually still sound asleep to his right when he wakes up, but not today. She has already left their bed. She hasn’t been sleeping well lately, and since he found out about her diagnosis, Aleksander feels bad for being able to sleep every night. He didn’t have a reason to be this worried about her since 1987 after her grandpa died and her mother mysteriously disappeared on the same day.

Claudia, he thinks as he enters the bathroom, where could she be today? Police has pronounced her dead two years after she went missing, but Regina never believed that. Regina’s theory was –and probably still is- that Claudia has found a better life, with people she loves more than her and her grandpa, in a place that she loves more than Winden.

Aleksander himself never believed that. His wife is the most lovable person he could imagine, and he is sure that -even though she never expressed or showed it- Claudia has also always loved her. 

His thoughts still revolve around his mother in law, who perhaps never found out that she was, as he leaves the bathroom. A woman like her would have never left everything she has worked and studied for behind without a very obvious reason for it, he noticed that when he first walked into her office….

That’s when he realises what day it is – November 11th 2019.

33 years ago the lie began. But also 33 years ago the best thing that could possibly have happened, happened to him: He met her. It was the first day of his new life. 

He worked hard since then. He worked hard for her, to be able to lay the world at her feet, after everything she has done for him. Not only had she saved his life, also since the first day she was his biggest fan, motivation and inspiration. She convinced him that he was capable of more than being a metal worker, so he studied further, was promoted shift supervisor, then safety advisor, and finally, after many years of working hard physically and mentally and catching up on education, head of Winden’s nuclear power plant.

But there are days like today, where he thinks he doesn’t deserve anything of that, neither the money, nor the power, nor the influence, nor the house, nor his family, nor the love Regina is showing him every day. He can’t neglect that he is lying to her for 33 years, although she definitely deserves to know the truth. 

He feels tension spread across his back, starting from his scar, as he ties his tie and makes his way to the kitchen. Thank god he has already made an appointment with Hannah for today.

“33 years.” Regina smiles at him as she’s standing at the kitchen counter, pouring some orange juice in a glass. Of course the day she fixed a stranger’s gunshot wound, after he defended her in front of her bullies, is burned into her mind, too. He wraps one arm around her waist and kisses her temple briefly. “33 years” he repeats, trying to smile a smille as authentic as he can right now. He has already ruined the day for himself, he can’t doubt that anymore, but he tries to his best to not project his bad mood on his family.

“Would you guys maybe be so kind and tell me what you’re talking about? 33 years of what? Wait, should I know this? Berlin wall came down in 1989, you celebrated your 25th wedding anniversary last year, so… Wait, are y’all celebrating the 33 year anniversary of Chernobyl disaster? I didn’t expect that from you, especially not from you, Papa, since you're resonsible for something like this not..." Regina chuckles as they sit down beside a very confused Bartosz. 

“So you really think that we’re nerds who get this excited about a historical event?” Aleksander has to laugh as he asks. “Yes, for sure,” his son answers without hesitating. “We met 33 years ago, maybe you would even want to call that historical…” Regina jokes. Bartosz chokes on his cereal. “You shouldn’t shock the boy this hard, I don’t want to have to call an ambulance because my son almost died eating cereal.” 

“Very funny, Papa”, Bartosz says after he has recovered himself, “33 years are a long time… That was in the 80s… Do you guys know that you’re old?” “I feel like someone should have left the house to go to school already” Regina is obviously faking the austerity in her voice, which amuses Aleksander a lot. He loves her sense of humour. “Holy fuck, school starts in twenty minutes! See you tonight!” He grabs his backpack and practically runs out of the house. “Holy fuck? Is that what kids say these days?” Regina calls after him, but, sadly, he doesn’t answer anymore. She shakes her head, laughing about how confused and confusing their son can be sometimes. 

Aleksander feels relieved, he hasn’t seen both of them this loose for quite some time. Bartosz has been very worried about his best friend Jonas the last months, but basically as soon as he has returned, Martha’s brother disappeared, now Bartosz is constantly worried about his girlfriend. And Regina… Regina is going through more than ever, and she never deserved anything of it.

“Hey old man, do you want some coffee?” “That would be nice, yes. When did you wake up today? He is still worried about her sleep schedule. “Circa five o’clock. I’m surprised not even my hairdryer woke you up…” she explained while pouring him some coffee into his mug. “What did you do since then?”Aleksander wonders. “I ironed my dress, already did some paperwork for today, which wasn’t my best idea, now I will have to stand around the whole day with nothing to do. Bartosz was up pretty early, too, so we talked a bit about school and physics exams and astronomy and girls. Typical mother son talk, you know.” 

Although she started joking around again immediately after, she sounded very hurt when she talked about having to stand around with nothing to do. In the first couple of months the hotel was always booked out, just like Regina had imagined, but it all changed since Erik’s disappearance. Now, she told him, all of the rooms are empty, except for that one room that weird stranger wanted to keep while he’s travelling. Shivers were sent down his spine just from Regina’s narrative of him. Despite him creeping her out, she was very thankful for her only guest. She has fulfilled her biggest dream by buying the old Doppler mansion and opening her own hotel, but right now it seems to be more of a nightmare than a dream. 

As they’re both standing in the hallway ready to leave, Aleksander makes a suggestion: “I’ll try to leave work as soon as possible today. You shouldn’t work too hard either. Maybe you would like to go out for dinner today, for once without having any affiliates of yours or mine with us. It would be just us as a family, we haven’t done that for a long time. I’m sure Bartosz would enjoy that, too.” “I would love to” Regina takes a deep breath and smiles a beautiful smile, then she hugs him tightly. “Thank you for being there for me. I don’t know what I would do without you” she muffles against his shoulder. After a while of breathing in her scent of hairspray and a slight bit of perfume, Aleksander breaks their hug to look her in the eye. “I don’t know what I would do without you either.” He carefully runs his thumb over her top lip, where her injury from her fight with Katharina was. That little gesture moves Regina a lot, her eyes get a little watery as she leans in to kiss him.

“33 years ago I made a promise that I would finish them if they will ever hurt you again. Should I?” he asks jokingly after they broke their kiss. “Those two… have finished themselves enough already, there is no need for you to help with that” Regina says in a condescending tone, referring to Katharina talking bad about everyone in town live on the radio and Ulrich breaking into the power plant. Aleksander smiles, he enjoys the cynicism she has developed over the years. It is impressive how she gained so much confidence since they first met.

While driving to work he is already on the phone with his secretary, rescheduling his appointments for today so he can keep his promise of coming home early today. “Mr. Tiedemann, may I ask you if everything is okay? In the past five years that I’ve been working here you have never asked me once to postpone a single appointment. And if I’m honest, you seemed to be so absent the last days, I’m not used to seeing that” she asks as he enters his office twenty minutes later. 

He lingers in the memory of the words “everything is okay”. That phrase also turns 33 today. Maybe not the phrase itself, but the meaning behind it. At first he felt sorry for coming up with something superficial like that, but Regina became addicted to those three words. Every time she is overwhelmed by nightmares that remind her of things she would rather forget, is sad, scared, worried or anxious, she asks him to say those words again. He never really understood why or how his voice alone was capable to brighten up her day, but as long as it makes her feel better he would do anything. 33 years ago he swore to himself that he will never ever again break the law or harm somebody unnecessarily, but if Regina asked him to, he would do it again.

If it really was fate 33 years ago, and his past was a requirement to be able to meet her, he would want to live through every single moment again, no matter how painful it was. She was worth it.

He didn’t notice how he stared at Regina’s portrait he put up on his desk as he thought of her. “Oh no, it’s about your wife, isn’t it? Is she fine?” 33 years ago he set the goal to never trust anyone with too much information about his private life again, so he hesitates, but he decides to tell a bare minimum: “We’ll get along with it.”

He doesn’t quite get along with his work today. He can’t stop looking at Regina’s picture. He would love to be able to be there for her more often, but his job doesn’t allow him to. Maybe, if he hadn’t had to worry about the barrels of nuclear waste so much lately, he would have noticed that something is wrong with her earlier. In any other situation he would have quit his job as the head of the plant and started being a supervisor again, but since the plant will be shut down in less than a year, a change of the head would be the most stupid thing they could possibly do. He would love to accompany her to all of her appointments with specialists, just to show her that even after all of these years he will not leave her alone. It breaks his heart that he can’t.

His gaze settles on their family portrait. They are probably the smallest family in town, since there is only the three of them, no grandparents, no aunts or uncles, no cousins, no siblings. Just mother, father and son. Regina and Aleksander always tried to compensate the lack of any other family members with giving Bartosz everything they could – materialistic things as well as their parental love. But it soon turned out that Bartosz was, just like his parents, not very social, but loyal to everyone important to him. His whole life he only had one close friend – Jonas Kahnwald. 

Sometimes Aleksander wonders what would have happened if he grew up in a healthy environment himself. Would he have been like Bartosz? A funny young man who doesn’t care about what others think too much? A good friend? He has always been so proud of his son, but his pride was multiplied by ten one evening they had dinner together back in the summer holidays. Bartosz told his parents that Jonas had to go to a psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks, because he couldn’t cope with his father’s suicide. Then he said that he told everyone at school that Jonas went to France as an exchange student, to avoid people making up rumours and maybe even ending up bullying him. He made it sound like it was the most obvious thing to do. 

Regina hid the tears in her eyes very well that evening, but Aleksander could see that she was just as moved as he was himself. “We must have done something right” Regina later whispered to him as they were cleaning the dishes. If he would have had a friend like his own son, maybe he would have not turned out the way he was, not doing the things he did.

In the past 33 years not a single workday had been as exhausting for him as today. Employee dialogues were never so lengthy, and paperwork was never so jejune and complicated. But to his surprise he is even finished with everything on his to-do list before his physiotherapist Hannah has arrived. 

It is almost a wonder that chronic tension and some minor issues with his right shoulder joint are the only aftermath of his shot wound. It was Regina who argued him into having massages regularly, he himself usually tried to hide his scar from everybody but Regina.

There was one incident with his scar that he won’t ever be able to forget, because it touched him so deeply. When Bartosz was about five years old and had just learned how to swim, they used to go to Winden’s small lake every now and then. That day Regina was lying on their picnic blanket reading a book, while Aleksander and Bartosz played with an inflatable ball in the shallow water. Everyone has been walking around in their swimwear the whole day because it was so hot outside. At some point Bartosz tripped, scraped his knee and started crying his eyes out. Aleksander picked him up to carry him on his back, heading for Regina who was a lot better at calming their son down. But to Aleksander’s surprise Bartosz stopped crying immediately because he was distracted. He felt Bartosz’s little hand stroking his scar.

Bartosz seemed to have forgotten about his injury completely, when Aleksander put him down on the blanket he didn’t cry anymore, he just asked: “Papa, why do you have a weird flower on your back?” 

Aleksander panicked. He did absolutely not know what to answer. He didn’t think his son would ask questions about his scar or his past at such an early age. What do you tell a five year old at this point? He just anxiously gazed at his wife, who just gave him a look he couldn’t interpret. 

“You know, some people who are really strong and brave will have flowers growing on their skin, just to remind them of how great they are every day”, she explained with a soft smile, “Maybe a flower will grow on your knee, too.” 

That was the most child friendly and beautiful explanation of a scar she could have made up. Nonetheless it hurt him how highly she spoke of him. If anything shows how strong or brave he is, then it’s not his scar. His scar rather shows his weakness and stupidity. 

Thank god Hannah never asked where that scar came from. He wouldn’t know what to tell her. She sure has suspicions. Last week she told him that scars can predict the future. Then why is it aching so terrible today? And why wasn’t it aching the day he found out about Regina’s diagnosis? Do scars, just like their owners, err sometimes? Or does his scar just not care about the woman who saved his life in so many ways, the person he loves the most? 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. It’s Hannah. She seems to be more tense than usual, as if she knew he is thinking of dismissing her since he found out that it was her who told Ulrich and Katharina that it was Regina who told the police about the rape. 

But also, Aleksander thinks, he’s not the one to judge about other’s youthful indiscretions. She didn’t do anything bad to his family since then, especially since she was in a relationship with Michael she had seemed to be a decent person. Just like Aleksander himself. He guesses he wouldn’t be a decent person either, if he hadn’t met Regina. Maybe he hadn’t even met her if Hannah hadn’t been lying to Katharina. 

On top of that Hannah is struggling with her husband’s death right now. Or is she? He knows that Ulrich has an affair with her. He knows it from Wöller, Wöller knows it from Charlotte, who knows it from Ulrich himself. Aleksander has his sources. 

“It is far worse than usual, isn’t it?” Hannah asks as she spreads some massage oil on his back. “Have you been more stressed lately?” she adds and he can practically hear the mean smile on her face. “You could say so” he answers briefly. They never talk too much during the massage. 

“Just a second” she says as she’s almost done. She walks away. Aleksander can hear the rustling of some plastic, yet he is unsuspecting. Until she places that bag right under his face.  
He has a déjà-vu. He has already been staring at this bag, 33 years ago. Why is it here? Why does she have it?

“Do you recognise that bag?” Hell yes, he does. ”All these years I wondered why on earth I kept it, but there’s a reason for all things.” She works the remaining oil into his skin. “Don’t worry, it’s contents are safely protected.” He can’t come up with anything but “what do you want?” “Why is it that some people have everything and some of us have nothing? Why do you and Regina have a beautiful home, and I can barely even pay my electric bill? Why does fate choose to give such a good life to some, and an empty life to others?” Because we deserve it. No, because Regina deserves it, he thinks. “Do you want money?” he says. That wouldn’t even be a problem for him. 

“No, not money. I want you to do me a favour.” Everything you want, but keep Regina and Bartosz out of it. 

Although he isn’t religious he starts to pray internally. “I want you to destroy Ulrich. I want him to lose everything. Got it?”

He jumps off the massage table. “What do you have in mind? How am I supposed to do this?” “I don’t care how you do it or who you pay off – just have him destroyed.” She takes her bag and her coat and is about to leave his office, but she turns around, “Boris Niewald, interesting name. That name suits you much better.” Then she leaves. 

She knows. She has the evidence. How did she find it? He has buried it deep in the woods 33 years ago. For how long has she been keeping it? Who else knows about it? 

Boris Niewald… that name suits you much better. He couldn’t get rid of Boris. It was naïve to think that. There is a reason for all things. Hannah knows more than Regina. What if Regina hears it from her first? She’ll leave him and take Bartosz with her. The life he has worked so hard on would be gone in an instant. Aleksander Tiedemann would be gone in an instant. Boris would stay. A liar, a criminal, a cold hearted murderer.

He must follow Hannah’s demand, just to prevent her from telling Regina. Or Bartosz. What would Bartosz think of him then? Sometimes he thinks Bartosz felt there was something wrong with his father. He has always been a Mama’s child, although he was sure heloved his father too, but in a different way. Bartosz would despise him if he found out that he’s been lying to his mother for 33 years straight.

Destroying Ulrich isn’t the worst thing she could have asked for. He doesn’t really care about Ulrich. But still, destroying people is very much against his ethics now. Boris would have had no problem with that. Aleksander does, but Aleksander is a lie.

“Why does fate choose to give such a good life to some, and an empty life to others?” he repeats in his head as he puts his suit back on and picks up the plastic bag. 33 years since he has last touched it. Why didn’t he once go to check if everything was still there? Why didn’t he burn the passport right away? He remembers that he wanted to have the option to leave Winden, to start yet another life again, if necessary. But he never actually wanted that. Because of Regina. And even if he left, his passport wouldn’t have been useful at all. He curses himself for not reflecting it enough back then.

He looks at the plastic bag for some time. He wanted to have left the power plant already by now. He decides to call Wöller. What would he do now if Wöller wasn’t deeply indebted to him? 

Wöller doesn’t even hesitate to get him information about Ulrich. Instead, he asks about the barrels. The barrels. Usually he would have gone to check them himself already, but Wöller’s sister has put up her trailer where the truck with the barrels is parked. She’s a prostitute. Everyone in town knows him, knows his car. He doesn’t want Regina to have to deal with rumours of her husband cheating as well. 

That’s the one thing that actually makes him better than seemingly every other husband in town: he would never cheat on her. He doesn’t see a reason why he should. She gives him everything he needs, even more than that.

But why did fate choose such a good life to him? Why did fate let Regina change his life so drastically although he has been lying to her ever since they met? Why exactly him, out of all people? Regina deserves someone better, someone who would never lie to her. Regina deserves the truth. But why did she never ask any questions? Just because he was the first one to ever show her some unconditional kindness? He is aware that she probably just took him home because her borderline syndrome made her unable to assess risks. Still she grew to love him, although she knows nothing. 

Although she is the most precious thing in the world to him, he has made her his biggest victim. He has never told anyone a more terrible lie, than he told his own wife. He never wanted to hurt her, but with telling her the truth, he would probably have hurt her more than Katharina, Ulrich and Claudia ever could. 

She deserves the truth. She is the purest soul he has ever met and it hurts him to think about everything she had to go through in her life. And he added to that. She definitely deserves the truth. It’s selfish of him to not want to tell her, because she might destroy his life then. He would deserve it.

But on the other hand he would break her heart, if she were to find out that everything was a lie. Especially if she were to find out now. She needs him right now. Someone who is a rock for her, someone who is there for her. He can’t let her deal with cancer all on her own.   
Since her early childhood she has always been left alone. No friends, a mother that was never around, no extended family. Today, being left alone is her biggest fear, nothing is as important to her as her little family. He can’t destroy that for her.

She has always been stronger than him. She had a terrible life, too, even more terrible than his, he thinks, but she has never harmed anyone else. She has never done or said anything considered bad or mean without having a real reason for it. She has never lied to him about anything. She has been truthful to him since the first day. In those 33 years she has never asked one question about what he’s done. She just accepted him with all of his flaws. She never complains about him zoning out or being mentally absent when he is reminded of his past. Instead, she cares for him and tries to comfort him, sometimes she even manages to distract him. Once again he realises how thankful he is for her.

Maybe that’s even why she deserves the truth. He is stuck in a spiral of thoughts. Is he going to tell her? How is he going to tell her? He should have told her 33 years ago, but then he would have lost her. Again, that’s selfish.

He picks up his phone to write her a text message. “I’m leaving work now. Have you already thought of what you want to eat today?” It’s dark outside already, she’s probably home for a long time now.

He absolutely doesn’t feel like going out anymore, but he decides to let her have a good day today. If he’s going to tell her, it’s not going to be today. 

So he postpones it again, trying to push his past to the back of his mind. He is Aleksander Tiedemann

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters and you still don't know what will happen, I feel a little bad for this. But I promise that those chapters were necessary to understand their mindsets. things will get interesting in the next chapter.
> 
> I hope you liked this chaper as well <3


	4. Regina 2019

“I found the truth beneath your lies,

and true love never has to hide,

I'll trade your broken wings for mine,

I've seen your scars and kissed your crime.

[…]

They say true love's the greatest weapon

to win the war caused by pain.

But every diamond has imperfections,

but my love's too pure to watch it chip away.”

-Beyoncé in “All Night”

* * *

“You’re going to have to stay in Regina’s hotel for some nights, Jonas. Pay for more nights that you actually plan to stay, then tell her that you would like to keep the room while you travel, please. It would be a little spark of joy for her. And – before you’ll leave”, Claudia hands him an envelope, “I beg you to put this somewhere where she _will_ find it.”

She tries to smile at him, but Jonas can see the pain in her eyes. She must miss her daughter a lot. He doesn’t know exactly what has been going on between these two in the past, but Claudia often tells him, how sorry she feels for everything she has done.

Everyone seems to love Regina Tiedemann, or at least the few chosen people who were able to get to know her better. Jonas always thought the cold and repulsing attitude they radiate at first may run in the Tiedemann bloodline. Bartosz, Regina and Aleksander seemed to be very unlikeable, arrogant and snobby at first, leading Winden’s power plant, driving their Mercedeses and living in the fanciest house in town. He even was afraid of them at first.

But then he became friends with Bartosz, even his best friend, and spent almost every single day at their house, because he grew to love this family so much, as much as you can love a family that's not your own. They always extended a warm welcome to him, he never felt misplaced in their home.

The atmosphere there was always so peaceful and full of love, they never really fought when he was over, but all of them were constantly cracking jokes about each other. He can’t remember how often he fell asleep on the backseat of Regina’s car as she drove him home after long and exhausting playdates with Bartosz, or how often him and Bartosz later asked Aleksander for help with their physics or chemistry homework, or how often Regina told that story of that guy who also wore a yellow raincoat and asked her what year it was, when she was still a teenager. Almost exactly 33 years ago, he almost had a heart attack as he realised that he has just experienced that exact moment himself.

He realises that some of the best memories from his teenage years and his childhood take place in the Tiedemann house. How bad he wishes to go back to these days, when the world still seemed to be okay. Of course he won’t deny his former best friend’s -who still has a special place in his heart, after everything that has happened- mother ‘a little spark of joy’, as Claudia said, so he puts the envelope in his pocket.

* * *

Regina has to think of her mother as she stares at the clock in her empty hotel lobby. Would she be proud of her? Her hotel? Her family? Or would she right now be laughing at her, because she took out a huge loan with the bank which she isn’t able to pay back anymore, because not a single guest comes by anymore?

She wipes some dust off the reception desk with her finger. She isn’t even able to pay the cleaning staff anymore, she has to clean the hotel herself. She doesn’t even have to clean her own home, they have a cleaner who comes by every week.

Things would be so easy, if she wasn’t so obsessed with the idea of having a business of her own. She doesn’t want Aleksander to pay her bills, although he probably would do that without batting an eye. But she wants the hotel to be her project with nobody helping her out. Usually she wouldn’t even need any help, but since those two children disappeared, no tourists come to Winden anymore.

In a couple of months that will be over, she thinks. The boys will be back or forgotten like Mads and people will flock into her hotel again.

But will she still be able to stand here in a couple of months? Will she be able to deal with harsh cancer treatments and a failing hotel? She immediately shoves away the question if she will even be alive in a couple of months as it comes to her mind.

How would her mother have reacted if she told her about her diagnosis? Would she be there for her? Would she even be sad or sorry for her? Would she blame it on herself since she worked in an environment of nuclear radiation, just like Aleksander does?

Aleksander. “I’m here for you, you know that. No matter what” he said. Technically she always knew that, he has been there for her since the day they met. Sometimes she wonders how she deserved that he just casually walked into her life exactly 33 years ago.

Seeing him being so devastated the day he found out about her diagnosis broke her heart in thousands of small pieces but also put it back together again at the same time. Since that day he tried to protect her from every single burden, no matter how small it was. He did the dishes, he cooked, he picked Bartosz up from school in the afternoon and he even arranged an appointment with a breast cancer specialist for her, so she didn’t have to make that depressing call. Later, he even insisted on accompanying her to the appointment.

It made her realise that he truly still cares for her after 33 years. The only people she knows, that have an even longer lasting relationship are Katharina and Ulrich, but they are nothing next to her marriage. They both live a life they never wanted, Katharina never wanted to have children, everybody knows that, now she has three of them and even works as a principal. And then there is Ulrich, who always wanted to leave Winden, also she could have never imagined him being a police officer in the future. Maybe Katharina is forcing him to stay here and live that life, which could be a reason why he cheated on her. Or maybe that was just because he still isn’t able to decide between Katharina and Hannah. Is it even love when you’re still able to doubt that your partner is the right person for you? Do you need to have a real reason to cheat? Or do you just do it?

Regina sighs, she is thankful that she never had to deal with problems like that. Aleksander never made her doubt that he loves her or that he is satisfied with the life he lives. No life could be as unsatisfying as the one he had before they met, she guesses, but she is sure that he is proud of his career and mostly their family.

She is awed by the way even Bartosz has been treating her the last few days. She had not expected him to be able to deal with finding out that his mother has cancer so well, after all he was still a child. But Regina noticed that he also doesn’t want her to worry more than necessary. He only told her about the good or funny things that happened at school and offered his help a lot, yesterday he even visited her at the hotel after school. It is fascinating and almost scary how similar he is to his father. Sometimes she wonders what Aleksander was like as a child or teenager, since she first met him when he was 21 already.

She decides to leave the reception desk and go get to vacuum cleaning the rooms and the hallway in the first storey. Isn’t it weird how that scary, homeless looking man insisted on booking the room with number eight on it, she thought as she opened the door of exactly that room, pushing the vacuum cleaner through the doorframe. It’s also weird that he said he has to travel for some time and wants to keep the room, but didn’t say for how long exactly, or how he paid everything in cash. She shakes her head, she has always been a curious person, but usually not, when it comes to her guests. Usually she wouldn’t even enter rooms herself that are still booked, she has staff for th-

She freezes. There are newspaper articles, pieces of paper and ripped out pages from books spread all over the walls. On top of that the room is a complete mess. Interesting take on redecorating, she thinks, before she decides to take a closer look at them. Some of the documents and diagrams are about black holes, she guesses she wouldn’t even have been able to know that, if Bartosz hadn’t talked about them this morning. The diagrams on the walls look very similar to the ones in his school book.

She doesn’t understand half of those things, not just because she has never really been interested in physics, but also because some of it is written in Latin. She doesn’t know why, but it makes her blood run cold.

It gets worse as she discovers something she is able to read: The newspaper article about Mikkel Nielsen’s vanishing. “Where is Mikkel?” the headline says. But someone crossed out “where” with a red pen and instead wrote “when” on top of it.

“Holy fuck” she says out loud and is almost shocked that she started cursing like her son. She decides that she has seen enough for today and that it might be better to go home now, whatever that in here is, it scares the daylight out of her.

As she turns around she catches the glimpse of something that could be her name. She turns back around and looks at the envelope that is draped on one of the pillows on the bed. The envelope really says “For Regina”, written in the most terrible handwriting she has ever seen. She feels the urge to leave everything like it is, to try to make everything unseen for today and come back tomorrow with Aleksander by her side, who usually has a more clear perspective on things than she does.

But something tells her that she has to open that envelope as soon as possible, it’s similar to what she felt 33 years ago when she decided to help Aleksander with his wounds, although she wasn’t able to explain why she felt so much dedication for that stranger, and still can’t today. But still she does absolutely not want to stay in that room or in the hotel in general. She grabs the envelope, practically runs down the stairs, grabs her purse and heads for her car.

She sits down in the front seat and digs her glasses out of her purse. She is thrilled to see what’s inside of that envelope, she can’t imagine why that weird man should write her a letter, just as much as she doesn’t understand why he sent Jonas Kahnwald a package. Her hands shake as she tears open the envelope’s sealing. She has a little déjà-vu of opening the letter from the mammography clinic, but she has a strange feeling that this envelope will reveal something different, something maybe even bigger.

Perhaps she’s right. There are only two newspaper clippings in it. She puts on her glasses and reads the headline of the first one: “Marburg murder still unsolved after 33 years”. She already knows this one. She finds her husband staring at headlines about this incident every few years, trying to act like he’s fine. But he isn’t, she knows that. She knows that he manages to suppress his guilt and the memories of his past most of the time, but sometimes it hits him.

That’s when she has to act like she doesn’t notice anything and tries to be a rock for him, like he usually is for her. However she has learned that she can’t be too affectionate with him in those moments, it would only make him feel worse and even guiltier. Not just for what he’s done, but also for never telling her.

Little does he know, that she knows a lot more than he thinks she does. It was easy to just wait for him to leave the newspaper laying around or to buy another one to find out why he was this shocked as he read a certain article. She found out even before they got married.

Sometimes she wishes she could take the pain from him and just tell him that she knows that he and some other guy tried to rob the safe in a metalworking shop, perhaps Aleksander’s past workplace, were interrupted by the owner and then shot him. But she once swore to herself that she will never remind him of his past unnecessarily, that she will let him live a new life and that she will never add to his pain.

It has also shocked herself that she almost doesn’t care about what he’s done, but she came to the conclusion that she doesn’t know enough to judge. She doesn’t know how Aleksander grew up, she doesn’t know his accomplice and most of all she doesn’t know what lead him to rob somebody. She always thought that if he wanted her to know, he would tell her.

And somehow, she always felt like she owes that to him. He was the first to love her unconditionally, so she will be the one who will love him unconditionally until forever. He has never judged her, she will never judge him. He has always been loyal to her, she will always be loyal to him. He always managed it to take her pain away, so she will always try to take his pain away as good as she can.

She puts that all too familiar article away, thinking that the other one is probably about the same topic, but she errs. At first she can’t draw a connection from “Marburg murder still unsolved after 33 years” to “Children’s home in Gießen reopened”. The second one is way older, yellowed on the sides and the picture is in black and white, it looks like an article that was kept in an archive for at least 30 years.

Then she notices one particular boy on the picture, surrounded by nine other children of different ages. Her blood runs cold again. Although the picture has a terrible quality and is in black and white, she recognises him right away. Those eyes, that chin, that smile. He looks a lot like Bartosz at that age, but also not at all. It has to be Aleksander. Her husband when he was about seven years old. It has to be.

The children’s first names are listed below the photograph, saying that they’re thankful to find a new home. She looks for the third child from the left. It says Boris. She checks the other names, too, maybe they accidently put the names in a wrong order, but she can’t find the name Aleksander. But that child is Aleksander, she is 100% sure about that.

Boris. She reads that name over and over again.

Now she has a real déjà-vu. A déjà-vu of her and her husband cuddled up on the couch, brainstorming for names for their soon to be born son. They have already had some names on their list, but none of them felt or sounded right. “I really like the name Boris. Boris Tiedemann would sound great, I think” she suggested, not knowing what would happen next. Aleksander jumped off the couch complaining about that name, saying that their son would be worth so much more than a name like this and cursing her for suggesting a stupid name like that.

He had never talked to her in that manner before, and he never did after that. Regina was shocked and hurt by the harsh tone of his voice and the repulsing look in his eyes. As she started to cry, Aleksander left the room. Five minutes later he came back with the most guilt-ridden facial expression she has ever seen on him. He apologised a lot, she could see that he was humiliated by his own behaviour.

She forgave him, although he never explained why he reacted like this. Everyone falls short sometimes. But still it stuck to her mind since it was the only time ever that he hurt her. And it was his only action ever that she could absolutely not understand.

Until today. Now it all makes sense. It also makes sense that he hesitated to say “Aleksander” when she first asked him what his name is. She used to blame it on the fact that he had almost passed out two minutes before she asked, but that wasn’t the reason. The reason was that Aleksander never was his real name.

She found out so much about him, yet she didn’t understand anything. Why did he want to change his name? She still doesn’t want to judge. Her husband, she doesn’t know what name to call him any longer, doesn’t do anything without a valid reason behind it. At least now she knows a bit more about his past – he grew up in a children’s home.

She feels stupid for not having thought of that earlier. She knew he was on the run, yet no one seemed to miss him. He probably never had anyone who loved him before they met, too. That thought made her cry. Cry tears of joy that they _did_ meet 33 years ago and changed each other’s lives so drastically, tears of despair because she didn’t know what to do next, she can’t just go home to her family acting like nothing happened, and tears of simple sadness. She feels sad about the fact that a wonderful person like her husband had to go through all of that, no matter what it was exactly.

She took the time to just sit around in her car and cry, staring at the only childhood picture of her husband she has ever seen. Only after looking at her phone she realises how late it already was. 4 pm, Bartosz must be home for a long time already.

“I didn’t expect you to come home this early” he stutters as he greets her. He was just sitting around in the living room, not playing any video games or watching Netflix. That was odd. Instead, he seems to be confused and off guard just like her, but maybe that’s normal for a boy whose girlfriend has just hit rock bottom because her little brother vanished. Bartosz worries about Martha a lot. Just like her and Aleksander, Bartosz doesn’t have a lot of friends, but for those few he has he would do anything.

“Papa and I thought we could go out for dinner today. Just the three of us, we haven’t done that in a long time” she explains as she sits down next to him on the couch. “I’m sorry, but you will have to turn that into a dinner date. I can’t come with you, I’m having dinner at Martha’s, I promised to be there for her, you know” he said with an almost authentic smile. Although she wonders sometimes if he only uses that as an excuse, because he knows that she won’t ask any further questions when it has anything to do with the Nielsens, she doesn’t have the heart to deny her boy to see his girlfriend.

“She probably needs you right now, that’s true. How was school today?” “Okay I guess… But I had something on my mind all day: I believe I never asked how you and Papa met. It must have been special somehow, since you remember the exact date.” Regina is prepared for that question. She expected him to ask about that much earlier, about two years ago as he started having a little crush on Martha. So she made up a version of that fateful day that she could tell him, that wasn’t exactly the truth but also not a lie.

“Back in 1986, when I was 15, I used to take fencing classes. Before you ask: Yes, it was terribly uncool even back then” Bartosz has to grin. “I can absolutely not imagine you in one of those fencing suits…” “Today I can’t either”, she laughs, happy to forget about everything she found out today for a moment, “but back then I really liked it. Anyways, I was walking home from one of my fencing classes that day, when two people from school stopped me. I told you that I never had a lot of friends before, right? I was considered a loser and an easy target, since I couldn’t defend myself back then. Someone spread a rumour about me again, whatever it was, it made those two people who approached me in the forest really angry. They started pushing me around and kicking me. That’s where the craziness begins: Your father, who was strolling around Winden on his own because it was his first day here, saw that and felt the sudden urge to help me, although we have never met before. And you know the effect your father has on strangers – he seems to be dangerous and cold as ice, people are easily scared of him, although they can’t really explain why – so they ran away gutlessly as your father defended me and threatened them to hurt them if they would hurt me again.” Bartosz seems to be surprised. If he only knew that there was even more to that…

“It was Papa who saved you? Nowadays it is you who seems to have a solution for everything.” “Don’t you dare to think I didn’t do anything in return – I helped him find a job as a metalworker, I practically begged my mother to hire him.” Bartosz’s smile drops as she mentions her mother. There is something odd about him today.

“Did she like him? Did she think he was the right one for you?” Regina knows exactly why he is wondering about this, and it breaks her heart. He hasn’t told her anything, but she suspects that Katharina and Ulrich aren’t treating him particularly nice. He deserves some honesty. “We never really talked about him. The day she first met him she said that she can’t imagine a guy like him would be friends with a girl like me by choice. I’m sure she was impressed by his confidence, that’s probably why she hired him in the end. I never really dared to ask her what she thinks of him.” She has never talked about her mother so openly to anyone, except Aleksander.

“It somehow doesn’t sound like you who you’re talking about, Mama. You’re the most quick-witted and outspoken person I know. It is hard to believe that you once couldn’t defend yourself and didn’t dare to talk to your own mother. You must have changed a lot.” Regina smiles and nods softly. She has, because of her husband. She doesn’t want to imagine who she would be today, if she had never met him.

Bartosz looks at his watch. “I’ll have to leave now. I told Martha that I would be at her house at 5… Say hi to Papa for me!” “Should I drive you there?” “No, thanks. You look stressed already, take some time to relax. I’ll go by bike.” He seems to be so harried and scampered. Regina can see that he tries his best to not give her anything to worry about, but today it doesn’t work out. She is worried about her son, she has never seen that look on his face before.

As Bartosz has left, Regina takes the newspaper clippings out of her purse again and stares at them for a long time. She is confused. For the first time ever she feels a terrible dread to ask her husband questions. Not about what he has done, but about his childhood, about his teenage years, about why he was in a children’s home, about what happened to his parents or if he even knows who they were. Maybe he would have told her about these parts of his past already, if she had only asked.

All of a sudden she feels stupid for completely ignoring everything that happened in his life before they met. What if he would have liked to talk about it, but interpreted her silence as disinterest? She asks herself if she was there for her husband often enough. She feels ashamed, yet guilty. The pst 33 years she relied on him being there for her, him listening to her and him showing her love when she needed it. She feels like she did so little in return.

Large tears fall onto the articles that are both lying in her lap. But she doesn’t seem to notice her tears or anything else, she is lost in old memories of missed chances to ask him questions, or to tell him that she doesn’t really care about what he’s done, and that she knows. She totally zones out until her phone lights up. Apocalypse could have started and she wouldn’t have noticed.

A text from him. “I’m leaving work now. Have you already thought of what you want to eat today?” She finds her way back into presence. They wanted to go out tonight. She does absolutely not feel like going out anymore. Now that Bartosz is not coming along, there would be just her, her husband and a big elephant in the room with them. She hasn’t figured out what to say or what to do when he comes home. She doesn’t even know what to reply to his text.

How would he react if she told him that she knows? Would he be relieved? Or would he be mad that she didn’t tell him earlier, that he had to walk around thinking of how to tell her for the past 33 years, although she knew almost all the time?

It will be a shock for him, she knows that. Everything she found out today actually gave her one reason more, why she doesn’t want to add to his pain. He went through so much.

Her finger gently strokes over the little boy’s – who grew up to be her first and only love – face on the picture. “Boris” she whispers softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If somebody would ever help Regina find out, it would be Claudia, of course. 
> 
> By the way: It was Noah who Bartosz met that day, instead of eating at Martha's like he told his mother... And he has just met his grandmother for the first and only time that day, so I guess we'l just let him be a little off-guard.


	5. "You, me, Bartosz. You are all I need. I've had less before."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be a lot longer than the other ones, so sit back and enjoy.
> 
> Also, unlike the other chapters, there are going to be mixed perspectives.

“My past has tasted bitter for years now so I wield an iron fist.

Grace is just weakness, or so I've been told,

I've been cold, I've been merciless,

but the blood on my hands scares me to death,

maybe I'm waking up today“

-Jaymes Young in “I’ll be good”

Regina quickly puts both newspaper articles back into her purse as she hears the quiet, but noticeable sound of a key turning in the front door’s lock. She does absolutely not know what to do now. Should she greet her husband like she normally would? She can’t act like nothing has happened. She decides to act like she didn’t hear him coming home and pretend to read a magazine. It is dark outside already, she was too immersed in her thoughts to notice that. Immersed in thoughts about him. 

He enters the hallway. Dead silence. It has never been particularly loud at their house, since there are only three people living in it, but usually here was some radio playing somewhere in the background or Bartosz would play videogames or somebody would be on the phone with someone… He has never heard this type of silence in here. Is Regina even home? She hasn’t even read his text message yet. Usually she would come to greet him when he comes home from work.

The lights are out everywhere but in the living room. That’s when he finally spots his wife, she’s sitting in the corner of the couch, reading a magazine. Her hair is still tied up in her austere bun, she can’t be home for too long. Almost every day after work, untying her bun would be her first step to relax.

As he comes closer and she briefly looks up to him, obviously faking a smile, he realises that her face is swollen and her eyes are bloodshot. She must have cried. A lot. “Is everything alright? Did something happen to Bartosz?” He doesn’t know why, but sometimes he fears that his son one day might turn out like him, constantly causing trouble for himself and others. “No, don’t worry, Bartosz is fine. He is over at Martha’s. Everything is alright.”

Regina tries hard to stop herself from crying again. She bites her trembling lip to hide it from Aleksander. Even as he sits down next to her, stroking the back of her hand in order to calm her down, she can’t look him in the eye. He knows her too well to believe that she was okay. She still doesn’t know what to say or what to do. For the first time in 33 years she feels uncomfortable in his presence, not because of him, but because of herself. She feels like she has failed as a wife. She doesn’t even know him, and has never even made the smallest effort to get to know him better.

She still didn’t look at him properly, but she can feel the worried look on his face. Then she remembers an excuse: “I’m sorry. I guess everything is just too much for me right now.” He squeezes her hand in his, saying “We’ll get through it. Together. I won’t leave your side, I promise.”

It seems like his words made her even sadder. She pulls her hand away and starts nervously playing around with the edge of her dress. She clearly doesn’t want any physical affection right now. Aleksander doesn’t know what to do or what to say, she has never acted like this before. After a while Regina finally breaks the silence: “I don’t really feel like going out anymore, I’m sorry. Can we just order some pizza?”

Aleksander feels relieved, he doesn’t either. Now that he has seen his wife in a terrible condition like this, his guilt was even maximised. There is no way he could tell her now. She has to deal with so much, it has made her even more sensitive than she was already. She is broken. How naive of him to think that his words and his affection could make the pain of being newly diagnosed with cancer and having to manage a failing hotel go away just like that.

Thinking of it as the only thing to make it easier for her to relax right now, he calls the delivery service. While he does so he watches her, he watches her doing nothing. She is just staring at the ground, her fingers pegging to one of the couch cushions. It seems like someone or something must have stolen all of the life from inside of her. There must be more than he knows. Something must have happened today.

Did Hannah tell her anything? That would explain why she is so repellent and not even looking at him. Because she now knows that he isn’t worth it. That he isn’t worthy of her, their son, their house and his job. But, wouldn’t she have left already? She wouldn’t want to eat with him if she knew. Or is she trying to have one last evening together, but can’t ignore her feelings? He shakes his head. He thinks he is going paranoid.

As Aleksander rushes to the door to pick up the pizza from the delivery guy, Regina turns on the TV, she can’t stand the silence between them today. Clearly, there is something on his mind, too. Long before Bartosz was born, they often watched TV while they ate, because they didn’t have the time to watch the news during the day. Both of them were studying a lot at the time, Regina to finish her degree at university, Aleksander to reach a higher career level at the power plant and to catch up on the education he wasn’t provided with when he was younger. At this point she should have realised that his youth wasn’t very rosy. He has always been very intelligent and a fast learner. She can’t believe that he had left school by choice.

Clearly, she doesn’t want to talk now, he realises as he enters the living room with two pizza cartons in his hands, there isn’t even a show on Regina would want to see. It’s some low budged supposedly romantic movie which is probably targeted at women past the age of 60. She is not paying attention at all, still staring at the ground as she starts to eat unenthusiasticly.

What would his employees think of him eating pizza with his hands, slumped on the couch and watching TV to avoid conversation? They would not recognise their boss. What would Bartosz think of him just watching Regina being sad and not being able to do anything about it? Bartosz has just asked him for advice on how he could help Martha through the difficult time she has yesterday. “Make sure that she knows you’re there for her. And tell her that, no matter what she feels right now, it’s okay,” he explained then.

Right now he feels like he failed at following his own advice, failed as a husband. But hasn’t he failed long before he even was Regina’s husband? He has never been truthful to her. He preserves the same lie for 33 years. But mustn’t she have noticed something in those 33 years? Then why didn’t she ever talk about it? Why did she never ask any questions?

Regina tries hard to focus on the movie, but she fails. She notices how Aleksander puts away half of his pizza, something must have spoiled his appetite. She doesn’t feel like eating anymore either. She also doesn’t feel like sitting here, preserving the most oppressive silence she has ever heard. Actually, she just wants to hug him, to tell him that she is sorry for neglecting his past completely, sorry for never doing anything to reduce his guilt and tell him that everything is okay. She wants to tell him that she knows. But she can’t. She feels too sorry for that already. She can’t look in his eyes right now, knowing that she could have made all his worries less dramatic years ago.

Aleksander is pulled out of a spiral of asking himself, when or how he should have told her and how she would react if she were to find out, by her abruptly turning off the TV. “Have I ever told you how much I hate romantic comedies?” she wonders. He turns towards her and she is finally looking at him, holding her head up high. She still doesn’t look happy at all, but at least she looks alive again. “Circa five hundred times since we know each other.” Her lips form a short, weak smile, then puts her head on his shoulder.

He puts his arm around her, pulling her closer as he realises she has started to cry again. Stroking her side, afraid that she might pull away again, he whispers: “Hey, what is wrong with you today? Something must have happened. You can tell me everything, you know that.”

The sound of his voice was so soft, yet his words hurt her so much. She can’t deal with how nice and affectionate he is. All of a sudden she can hear his story in his voice, the story of a boy who grew up without being loved, without having a family, without a bright future. The story of a man who tried to be everything other people never were to him. Kind, loving, loyal, a good listener, someone who would do anything for the few people he loves and trusts. The story of a man who was never given the chance to talk about all the darkness and pain he went through. “Thank you so much. For everything. Thank you for still being here with me,” she answers, shocked by how tearful she sounds.

She makes a decision. Over the past 33 years he had always found a way to take her pain away and to ease her mind. Maybe this is the only way to take away the burden that tortures him for 33 long years. She should have done this much earlier.

So she squirms out of his arms to be able to look at him and tangles her fingers into his, like they used to do when they were teenagers, mostly to keep him from jumping off the couch or going away. She looks deeply into his grey eyes, he looks confused, but also so loving. Now or never, Regina, she tells herself.

“Listen,” she finally says, “I know that you have been involved in the incident in Marburg,”, she can feel him loosening the grip on her hands, “I know that you grew up in a children’s home and I know that your name is not Aleksander.” Her voice became shaky in the end and her eyes filled with tears again.

He turns pale and stares at her. “It was Hannah, right? She was here and told you.” He sounds out of breath, like he ran a marathon. Regina can hear his heart beating so fast she’s afraid he might have a heart attack.

Now it’s Regina who looks confused. She doesn’t let go of his hands, gently caressing them with her thumbs as she begins to talk: “I don’t know what you mean, but I am so sorry for not telling you that I know earlier. I know that you have been feeling so guilty all these years, for what you have done and for never telling me. But it’s okay.”

None of them can tell if the silence between them lasted a couple of seconds or multiple minutes. Aleksander blinks a few times. “Why? I have never told you the truth. Why would you think that’s okay?” Sweat is running from his forehead. “I have never asked you either. Since the first day I felt that your life wasn’t easy, so I wanted to be a safe pace for you. A place where you’re able to build up a new life, a place where you don’t have to think of your past at all. I always thought if you wanted me to know, you would tell me. Now I feel like it was a mistake. I should have never neglected all of your past, not he parts before the incident. There are things I should know as your wife, but I don’t because I thought I was doing you a favour. Maybe if I-“

“Stop. Before you go on, I want you to know that you have been and still are that safe place to me. Always. I have never met a person before who even wanted to do me a favour. Don’t put the blame on you. But why doesn’t it bother you that you share a bed with a murderer every night? Why are you still here?”

“Because I have never asked questions. I don’t know anything about your past, about how you grew up, about why you were in that children’s home. I don’t know enough to judge. Science says no one is born a murderer, it’s the external circumstances that make you one. Besides that, it doesn’t sound like you and that other guy went there to kill somebody. You were there to rob the safe, but it went wrong, right? So who am I to judge? I don’t know what terrible situation lead you into robbing someone, but I know that you don’t make senseless decisions. Maybe that is just in your case, but that is something you were probably born with, I highly doubt that that has ever been different.”

He is overwhelmed by her words, overwhelmed by a side of her that he has never seen, overwhelmed by her determination, overwhelmed by how highly she speaks of him once again.

“And”, she starts talking again before he can say anything, “maybe you have not always been the best person, but you are now. You have always been good to me and the first one ever to show me love. You are the best father to our son that I could imagine, I wouldn’t want to raise him with anybody else but you by my side. You are the strongest, the fairest, the most loyal and the most loving person I know. Why would I want to give all of that up? Just because of your past that made you this person? No. I love you, Boris.”

Has she just said that? Has she just said the four words he has been waiting to hear all his life? Although she still doesn’t know much, she seems to understand everything, it always seemed to be like that. Just like her he can’t hold his tears back anymore. She knows. And she is still here. He lets go of her hands and takes her into his arms, weakly whispering “Can you say that again?” “I love you, Boris”, she gently kisses his shoulder and squirms out of their hug to look in his eyes again, “And nothing will ever change that.”

“For how long do you know?” he asks after a while of just looking at her face and thinking of how much he loves that woman, his wife, the mother of his son.

“It depends on which part we’re talking about. I know what crime you committed since a couple of days after you proposed to me. That morning was the first time you didn’t listen to me properly, because you were so immersed in a newspaper article. But you were not reading it, you were just staring at the headline, I knew that something was wrong in an instant. When you were gone for work I took a closer look at the newspaper, and I understood immediately.”

“And you still married me. Why? You knew I lied to you.” “Is not talking about something a lie? And I’m not stupid, I knew that you couldn’t be innocent since the day we met. But when you left my house that day, you had that look on your face, the saddest one I have ever seen. You have that exact same look on your face, when you find articles about the incident. I don’t know if you have noticed, but you’re one of the two people on this planet that I truly love, and you gifted me the other one. You’re much too precious to me to just give you up, you already were back then, before Bartosz and all the money and success.”

Her words move him more than anything else could. She is even wiser and stronger than he knew before. How can someone be this wonderful and kind-hearted? He still feels a terrible twinge in his heart and shoulder, but it is getting less bad with every second he looks into her eyes. Finally, for the first time since he came home, she leans in for a long, passionate kiss. He can feel a warm tear of hers on his cheek. As they part again, he gently wipes it away with his thumb. “I love you too, Regina. So much.”

Again, they’re silent for a while. “If Hannah didn’t tell you, how did you find out about… my name?” Regina gets up and takes the envelope out of her purse again. “Remember the creepy man in my hotel I told you about? I found this in his room today, don’t ask me why he wanted me to have this or how he even knows. It’s just weird… The handwriting on the envelope, it looks so much like my mother’s, but that’s probably just coincidence. His whole room was plastered with papers about black holes and stuff I didn’t understand, some of it written in Latin, he even had old newspaper articles about everything that has happened in this town. Ever. Even about Mikkel Nielsen’s vanishing. It scared me, I wanted to leave, but then I found this envelope.”

She has never stuttered like this before, her whole body is shaking of fear as she hands him the envelope. “We’ll go and take a closer look at that tomorrow, okay? I won’t let you go in there alone again.” She did expect an answer like this, even after all of these years he didn’t lose the constant urge to protect her. She smiles softly “Thank you. Now open this.”

He doesn’t understand one of those articles, the other one is about the murder, that’s obvious, but… Then it hits him. The children’s home he first was in, his memories about that time are a little blurry, so it took him a while. “But how could you understand that this was about me? There is not even a small hint…” “Come on, don’t you see those similarities? It is almost scary how much Bartosz looks like you did. For the past 16, almost 17 years I have always wondered if some of Batrosz’s features are your genes or even my father’s. I always wished for a child photograph of yours so deeply, I had to cry when I realised that this is you in that picture.”

She can see that he is just as moved as she is, so she starts stroking his back. “I have always wondered about that, too. I have never seen a picture of me as a child either. But believe me, I never wanted to hand down too much of my resemblance to him, at least not when it comes to personality. I’m always afraid that one day he might turn out like me.”

“The only faithful husband in town? That would be a pity”, Regina says in a sarcastic tone, both of them have to chuckle, “But, can I ask you why you mentioned Hannah twice? What does she have to do with all of this?” The smile on Aleksander’s face vanishes. He swallows. “33 years ago I thought I hid the gun and my passport –my real passport- in a safe place. Today it turned out I didn’t, Hannah found them. She says them and my secret will be kept safe if I follow her demand.”

Those words make Regina’s jaw drop. “I knew that it would only be a matter of time for Hannah to turn back into that devious, cruel snake, now that Michael is dead. I should have counted the days. What does she want?” Aleksander takes a deep breath. “She wants me to destroy Ulrich. ‘I want him to lose everything’ she said.” He sounds thoughtful, too thoughtful in Regina’s opinion, she has to laugh. “That’s it? She wants you to take vengeance on the guy she could never have for her? She doesn’t even want money? Come on, that isn’t even a challenge for you, is it?”

“No, not really, but that man has destroyed his own marriage and one of his children is missing, there is not much I can take from him without harming his family.” Regina is touched by how he is keeping Ulrich’s family, including their own maybe-daughter-in-law, out of his diabolic plans. A couple of years ago they agreed on not judging the Nielsen kids just for being Katharina’s and Ulrich’s children, all three of them seemed to be a lot nicer than their parents.

Aleksander’s lips form a smile. “And my wife told me this morning to keep my hands off Ulrich and Katharina, because they have destroyed themselves enough already, remember? I can’t go behind my wife’s back like that. I guess she would feel betrayed, since she made a huge effort to shelter them from my blame…” “Idiot,” Regina chuckles and playfully pushes her elbow into his side. He just puts his arms around her and muffles an ironic “thank you” to her ear, before he kisses her again.

“My biggest fear was that she would tell you. I was afraid to come home to an empty house because you and Bartosz had left. But what if Hannah isn’t true to her own words and still goes to the police? What if she isn’t satisfied with how I am going to destroy him? I still don’t even know how to do that exactly,” Aleksander asks a couple of kisses later. “If they manage to do so in the first place, it will take a long time to prove you guilty, you know the police around here. And we can use that time to pack our bags, take Bartosz with us and start a new life somewhere in a small village in the provinces of some country in South America. I’m sure Bartosz can teach us some Spanish.” Aleksander loves how well she knows how to make him laugh again. “That is the most German escape plan you could have delivered...” He notices that some strands of hair fell out of Regina’s bun, so he carefully takes out the clip that was holding the whole thing in place. “Can you please change from business- Regina Tiedemann to at-home-relaxed-Regina Tiedemann? I always feel like you want to sue me when you still wear that bun after work.”

“Same, I always fear being grounded when you wear that hairstyle, sorry not sorry, Mama.” Bartosz says as he walks in on his mother shaking out her hair and his father looking at her like Amor shot his arrow right in that moment. They both look very tired like they both had a rough day at work, but still they look so happy and love-drunk. It’s funny how they know each other for 33 years, but still act like newly enamoured teenagers sometimes, Bartosz thinks.

“Thanks so much you two. If you go on like that I might consider both suing you”, she says mockingly while pointing at Aleksander, “and grounding you, Bartosz. Are you still hungry? I could heat up some pizza for you, we weren’t very hungry today.” Bartosz nods thankfully.

Five minutes later all three of them are sitting around the dinner table, debating about when they will actually go out for dinner together. Regina is still concerned about the look in Bartosz’s eyes, he still seems to be sad, but it’s not as bad as before he drove off to Martha’s. After a while Bartosz changes the subject: “Sometimes I wonder how come everyone in Winden seems to be unhappy and somehow troubled, yet you guys are so happy. After all of these years. Is it weird to say thank you for choosing each other? Because unlike my friends I never had to worry about you splitting up or walking in on you fighting. I always knew that when I come home everything will be okay and peaceful.”

Once again Regina has to hide her tears from her son. Aleksander is the first to find his words again: “That is absolutely not weird, it is the biggest compliment that you could have made. We’re thankful that you feel that way. We love you and we’re proud of you, son, you know that.” As she listens to her husband say that, Regina can’t resist to get up and hug Bartosz. Normally he would push her away pretty soon, but not today. “Yes, I know that. I love you guys, too.”

Later, as Aleksander lays down in their bed next to his wife, she seems to be lost in thoughts again. “Hey, what’s on your mind again?” he wants to know as he brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “I was just thinking if we had ever been this melancholy after seeing each other… He doesn’t seem to feel good at all today. Should you have that look on your face after seeing your girlfriend?” Although this was probably meant to be a rhetorical question, Aleksander still feels urged to answer: “There was a time I felt really bad when I was with you. It was the time your grandpa died and Claudia disappeared. I saw you sorrowing and crying for hours, days and nights, I saw how hard it was for you to lose a loved one. Although I know that the man I killed –the man we killed- didn’t have a family and for sure no one who loved him, I always feel like I made someone else far away go through exactly that pain. Still today I feel like having to see you hurt and broken is some kind of punishment for me killing someone.”

“If that is the case, you handled your punishment very well. If I didn’t have you to help me through these times, I guess I wouldn’t be alive today. You saved my life.” “Don’t tell me about saving lives. You seem to save mine over and over again. Thank you for that.”

Regina comes closer and slips under Aleksander’s blanket, she feels like he needs some closeness right now. “I realised today that, somehow subconsciously, I always knew that something was wrong with your name. One day I woke up and I knew you had to take my last name. I didn’t know how to tell you that I think it might be better for you, so I made up the ‘the Tiedemanns shaped this town, especially my mother, let’s keep the name alive’-theory. Believe me, honouring my mother was the last thing I wanted to do at that time.”

Aleksander had always been confused by that decision. At that point back then, Regina had already erased Claudia from her life completely, she barely even talked about her, he remembers, as he caresses her hair that is spread all over him. Then she starts talking again: “I always wondered why you never asked why I suddenly was so strong-willed to call our son Bartosz, after the Boris-incident.” “Why should I have asked? You told me that you wanted something extraordinary, a name you need a big personality for, and I really liked the name.” Aleksander is confused. “Yes, that’s true, but that is only a part of the truth. I always wondered why your name was spelled with ks instead of an x, so I did some research and found out, that it’s the East-European, mostly Polish spelling. I wanted to give the people less room to theorise about you, the mysterious, hardworking stranger. That’s why I chose a Polish name for our son. If somebody would have asked, where you are from or why your name is spelled like that, I could have told them, that you have Polish roots that you want to keep alive in some way.”

He can’t find words to describe how thankful he is to have her in his life and how much her words move him. Gently, he kisses her forehead, then plucks up all his courage to speak: “I owe you something. I owe you an explanation for why you had to have my blood all over you the day we met. You still didn’t ask a single question.” “Because I want to give you everything you need, I don’t want to take everything I want. I want you to feel safe, and if that means, that you’re never going to tell me anything, it would be fine. I will love you no matter what. But if you feel able to tell me now, start with your childhood, your parents and the children’s home. I’m more interested in that.”

“I don’t know much about my parents. My mother died giving birth to me or shortly after, sadly, I don’t even know exactly. Now I understand that my father must have loved her a lot. He couldn’t handle her death at all, started drinking, skipping work more and more often and started neglecting me. When I was in first grade, I was brought to that children’s home for the first time. I never had a real home or people I could rely on, I changed foster homes a lot, was brought to different children’s homes scattered around the area. I barely ever experienced love or real, heartfelt kindness. It made me turn cold, I started stealing, was constantly getting myself into trouble and fights. However I wanted to leave that life behind, so I studied a lot in order to be able to go to university one day. But then I turned 16, and the authorities made me live with my father again. He forced me to drop out of school and made me work in that metalworking shop, so he could stay at home. In addition to that my boss started talking me down, telling me I was too stupid for university anyways, and that I should be thankful that he lets me work for him. At some point I started believing him, so I didn’t even quit working there when I moved into my own home, far away from my father. I was stuck in a downward spiral again.”

Regina, whose head has been resting in his lap while he sat on the bed and talked, gets up to look at him, to look him in the eye. She wants to tell him how sorry she feels for everything he had to go through, she wants to tell him how strong and intelligent he is, but he does not yet give her the chance to, instead he keeps talking. “Anyways, I lost my motivation to work, started skipping whole days – and soon I was fired. Some weeks before I met my only friend again – Aleksander, I knew him from school. He grew up in a similar situation, his father was physically abusive towards him, his brother and his mother, who was trying to get a divorce at that time. He hated his life as much as I hated mine, he wanted to go far away, too. The day I was fired I told him about this massive payment the workshop is going to get the next week and that we could use it to finally get away from here. It was a joke, but we kept making that plan, until the night of the 10th to the 11th November 1986, when we broke into the workshop with masks on and each of us holding a loaded gun in our hands. I still don’t know where Aleksander got those from. We managed to take a part of the money out of the safe, but then my boss came in. Aleksander threatened him to go away or he would shoot, but my boss didn’t listen. Aleksander fired two warning shots, and then two actual shots aimed at him. As an act of solidarity, I shot a shot at him too, it was dark so we couldn’t see if we hit him, or where. We just knew that we had to get from there, so we started running. At some point we thought the police had lost track of us, so we stopped to talk. He said that he was sorry for bringing me into this. Then he gave me his passport and told me to start living under his identity, somewhere far away, because they would suspect me immediately, because I was fired only a couple days ago. He told me he would go live with his cousin somewhere in Russia or something. I didn’t want to take his passport, but then we heard a helicopter above us and we started running again, but in different directions. That’s the last time I saw him. I can’t remember when I was shot by the police, the only thing on my mind was running, running as far as possible, I didn’t pay attention to anything else.”

The only thing Regina can utter is “But Winden isn’t that far away from Marburg.” She is overwhelmed by his life story, overwhelmed by how he went through all of that and still managed to never talk about it. “It was neither my plan to get nor to stay here. But then I met someone worth staying for,” he says and pulls her closer again.

Heavy tears roll down her cheeks now. “Your life was terrible. I’m so sorry for never letting you talk about it.” “It was, and I am actually a terrible person, I don’t even deserve you.” She throws herself into his arms and answers with a tearful voice: “How can you say that? Have you done anything bad or mean since you came here? No, you changed a lot. You changed to be the person for me and Bartosz you never had. You’re loyal, you’re intelligent, you’re educated, you’re a rock for me, you’re a good listener, you would do anything for us, I know that. Maybe Boris was a terrible person, but you are not Boris anymore, you’re Aleksander. Maybe everything Boris did and went through was a fundamental requirement for you to become Aleksander. You are and will stay Aleksander to me. Not Aleksander Köhler, but Aleksander Tiedemann. My husband and the father of my son.”

This completely throws him. He can’t believe that it is actually him who is given the honour to be right now holding a woman with a mind and heart so strong and beautiful in his arms. “Thank you, Regina. For saving me from all that. Thank you for fixing my wound, for the last name, our son –and his name-, for telling me that I’m good. Thank you for still being here, after 33 years. My list is long, I could go on forever. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” “This applies to you, too. We both wouldn’t be here without the other one, I guess. Thank you, too, Aleksander,” she muffles to his neck.

She once again pronounced that name with so much love, surrender and affection, that after 33 years it still sends a shiver down his spine, in a very pleasant way. Carefully, he lifts up her chin to look into her eyes that still are bloodshot due to all the tears she had shed today. They melt into a kiss that feels even more special than their first one.

“But you have to promise me one thing”, Aleksander mentions many kisses and I-love-yous later, “If anyone ever finds out, pretend you know nothing. I don’t want you to get in trouble for willingly shielding a criminal” Regina nods slowly and gently caresses his cheek with her thumb.

“By the way, I agree,” he then says with a smile. “With what?” Regina is confused. “You, me, Bartosz, a small village in South America. I’ve had less before. I would give up everything we have for you. You’re all I need.”

That night they fall asleep arm in arm, sharing a blanket. Just like newly enamoured teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Résumé:  
> This whole story was buildt on this chapter, I started sketching it out somewhen mid-August... i wanted it to be as perfect as it could be. My main motivation was giving Aleksander the backstory I would have loved to see in dark, and giving an explanation for why Regina didn't seem to care too much that her husband is obviously a criminal.
> 
> And my other big motivation where all those lovely comments you left! I appreciate them so much, huge thanks to all of you <3, especially to you, "violetshour"(there is nothing better than our good, solid conversations, my dear)! 
> 
> If you enjoyed reading this half as much as I enjoyed writing this - I'm satisfied. Thanks again for all of your support!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Please mind that English isn't my first language and that I'm sorry for any mistakes.  
> The title is inspired by "03' Bonnie & Clyde" by Jay-Z and Beyoncé.
> 
> Comments are highly apprechiated, I hope you had a fun time reading!


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